Sunday, February 19, 2012

First Impressions of Australia

Telling the story of the trip my daughter Lizard and I took to Australia will necessarily be long. We recount our adventures here for our own pleasure, so that we remember as many details as possible of our trip of a lifetime. We invite our readers who haven't the time or inclination for extensive reading to skim our Australia posts, or even just look at the photos. We hope you will forgive our verbosity and enjoy!


Wednesday, January 11
At the Richmond Airport, we spent the time waiting to board our first plane grabbing a muffin for Lizard and a coffee for me and completing a mother-daughter devotional on the topic of friendship. What a perfect way to start our time: As we discussed the character qualities we should look for in friends, we were only 30 or so hours away from reuniting with friends in Australia who scored perfectly on every mark.


Before we would get to Melbourne, we had to take four flights. Our first flight, Richmond to Newark, was short. Lizard was excited to be able to see the Statue of Liberty as the plane prepared for landing.

On our next flight, Newark to Los Angeles, we were pleased to see television screens in the back of the headrests in front of us. We weren't pleased to discover that if we wanted to watch anything other than commercials, we would have to pay. Credit cards were conveniently swipable in the same headrests. Airplane headrests have come a long way in the last five years.



It was $8 per passenger to watch TV. We were also not served any food on this six-hour flight which surprised me a bit. We did have the option to buy food, but after paying $16 for TV (a privilege of which only one of us actually took part), I felt a bit stubborn about buying food, so it was a long time until we got to eat again, but Lizard, who had never in her life been allowed to watch TV for six hours straight, didn't seem to notice.


In L.A., we grabbed some fast food and awaited our flight to Sidney. We sat next to Jack, a 16-year-old young man from Cairns, AU. Jack was delightfully friendly. On his way home from four weeks visiting a friend in Denver, Jack told us his flight to the U.S. had been his first ever. He told us that his family kept chickens and ducks and he shared stories of being chased by a wombat and a monitor (on separate occasions). He was as ignorant of U.S. geography as I was of Australian geography. He asked me if Denver is in Central America and he had no idea where Washington D.C. is. I, on the other had to confirm with Jack that Melbourne is in the state of Victoria and, if he'd asked, I couldn't have placed Canberra (the capital of Australia) correctly on a map.

We tried to sleep, with me succeeding more than Lizard who only seemed to sleep about three hours on the 16-hour flight. Toward the end of the flight as we gave up on the idea of any more sleep, I struck up a conversation with Angela and her four children who sat across the aisle from us. They were from Healesville, about 45 minutes outside of Melbourne. Angela was delightful, a woman of deep faith and it was a joy to get to know her and encourage one another.

Friday, January 13 (Who knows what happened to Thursday? Perhaps Friday, the 13th gobbled it up as we flew over the International Date Line)
After arriving in Sidney, we were required to get off the plane, taking all of our luggage, going through baggage security again, reboarding the exact same plane and sitting in the exact same seats. All this seemed unnecessary and odd, but it was good to stretch our legs and to have a reason to wake up a bit. And we were already thrilled to be on Australian soil (OK, tiled airport floor, but we were in Australia).

This final flight to Melbourne was just over an hour and our excitement was peaking. When we deboarded, I declared the food items we had with us, including a smooshed oatmeal cream pie that looked like something much more disgusting than an oatmeal cream pie. The agent directed me to place the pie in quarantine. I attempted to locate the quarantine bins and even asked three different airport personnel for help finding them, but I never did see one. The quarantined oatmeal cream pie, I admit now, stayed in my purse for another four or five days. One of the things about Australia is that trash (rubbish) bins in public places are rare, so every time I noticed the pie in my purse, there was no trash bin nearby in which to throw it.  As far as I know, Australia has survived without any apparent harm.

We were overjoyed to see the W Family waving to us as we made our way into the crowded airport. The kids had all grown of course (K had stayed home to prepare us lunch) and C looked radiant and fashionable in her smart blouse and wispy scarf.

Perhaps the first difference that hit me about being is Australia was having the driver on the right side of the car. For two or three days, I kept going to the driver's side of the car when I thought I was going to the passenger's side. Not only do Australian drivers sit on the "wrong" side of the car, they drive on the "wrong" side of the road. It felt strange at first, but you get used to it.

We enjoyed the beautiful drive to Malvern, the Melbourne neighborhood where the W family lives. After we spotted several exceptionally large pieces of city art, C explained that Melbourne is known for art, food and coffee.

She also pronounced "Melbourne" as "Melbun" (Australians don't care much for the "r" sound) and about a week later, anything other than "Melbun" sounded odd to me as well.

Melbourne time is 16 hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time (we pretty much just skipped Thursday) and after making the journey many times themselves, the W's have learned that it is best to stay awake that first day in Australia so that you can at least have a shot at a proper night's sleep. So they've instituted a tradition of rousing their guests from their comfy chairs, before they can doze off, to take a walk to Trampoline, their favorite local gelato shop, a tradition we were more than pleased to help perpetuate. For some strange reason, the ice cream shop was the very first photo I took in Australia.






As I scanned the exotic sounding flavor choices, I remembered reading C's blog post about Trampoline and imagining, as I looked at the photo of the tubs of gelato she included in her post, that if I was there, I would pick out the caramel pear gelato, not knowing that I would some day have the chance to try it! Caramel pear it was for me while Lizard picked one of the several chocolate flavors offered.

The W's have a spacious and charming Edwardian home with tiled roof and a gated garden with rose bushes lining the walkway.


For our first dinner, C and resident chef 11-year-old Big Brother cooked some delicious sausages on the outdoor barbecue (that's sausage on the barbie, mate).



Just as I was telling C that I thought we were handling the jet lag quite well, we looked at Lizard and amusedly perceived that she was sitting up at the dinner table asleep. It was 7 p.m. It was quite remarkable that she had made it nearly 40 hours with only three hours of sleep. I put her to bed and was able to last another 90 minutes myself before retiring for the night.

This photo is obviously from another night when Lizard had recovered from jet lag.
Here she is reading before lights-out.
Saturday, January 14
The next day was Saturday, our first full day in Australia.  We headed to Healesville Sanctuary, known for specializing in native Australian animals.
As we drove to Healesville, we couldn't help but notice the scenery around us. We soaked in the beauty of the many sheep farms, vineyards and distant mountains. One thing that struck me throughout our time in Australia is just how undeveloped Australia is between the towns and cities. Miles and miles of countryside and sheep or cattle farms, without a fast food restaurant or gas station to interrupt the vistas, became a regular and enjoyable element of our travels.

Healesville Sanctuary did not disappoint. Of some of the Australian must-sees, we saw koalas, kangaroos, an echidna, and a wombat (looks a bit like the "rodent of unusual size" from the movie The Princess Bride). In the non-lizard category, Lizard's favorite Aussie animal was the dingo.







Gecko-owning Lizard was particularly pleased to attend the reptile show which featured a lacy monitor (called a goana in "Australian") named Chantilly. I was shocked when, after the show, many of the audience members headed straight to the lizards and started petting them. There was no zookeeper standing near the lacy monitor keeping the crowd from getting out of hand. It was just understood and expected that people, adults and children alike, would be gentle.


Big Brother, who has the eye and interest of a naturalist, found a piece of the monitor's shed skin on the ground. When Lizard heard this, she began a desperate search, unbeknownst to Big Brother, to find a piece for herself. Although crestfallen that she didn't find any, she wasn't about to ask Big Brother for his. So when Big Brother nonchalantly offered Lizard his prize, it was somewhat alarming and very funny to watch the pure ecstasy spread across Lizard's face. Dead skin from a reptile gets that girl excited.

Shortly after the reptile show, we went to the bird show. It was here that we first experienced the extremely variable weather of the region. We started the day chilly and then the temperature rose quite suddenly and we became uncomfortably hot (resulting in a sunburned nose for Lizard). Before long, we were cool again and wrapping our jackets and scarves around ourselves.


At Healesville, we got our first glimpse of Australian humor. Let's just say that Australians don't aim for subtlety with their humor.

All but the eldest, K, enjoyed a bounce on the giant red hopping structure.





After a day at the sanctuary, we treated ourselves to another trip to Trampoline. K, Big Brother and S, who all enjoy playing games, let me teach them how to play Combat Uno, which was a perfect way to end our Saturday.

Sunday, January 15
On Sunday, we enjoyed a delicious breakfast of muffins made by K. L also had an Australian banana. It's just like a banana we might get in the U.S., except it is HUGE!



After brekky, we walked to the W's church, Malvern Presbyterian, a red brick, gabled church more than 100 years old. The sanctuary featured dark wood furnishings constructed in an arts and crafts style with an open timber roof. Organ pipes as old as the church itself still play accompaniment for the hymns sung each Lord's Day. Pastor Daffy's sermon was insightful and encouraging. It was a thrill and a comfort to experience worship with fellow believers on the other side of the world.






After Sunday morning services, the members of the church meander to the fellowship hall for Afternoon Tea, served faithfully each week by some of the senior members of the church. Coffee, tea and assorted biscuits (cookies) are regular features of this ritual. It was a special treat to mingle with the church members, exchanging stories of our various travels and encouraging one another in the faith.

Between morning and evening service, we enjoyed a true day of rest, filled with reading and playing games, as well as a stroll to a local coffee shop for a piccolo latte (yum).


Big Brother also gamely and patiently taught Lizard and I how to play cricket and J demonstrated his somewhat newly acquired super-fast bike riding skills.




We walked back to church around 5 p.m. for evening service and the weekly church potluck supper. Both of the Sundays we worshipped at Malvern Presbyterian, a church member celebrated a birthday, so church supper was followed by cake and singing, festivities in which we happily joined.

Pavlova
Our first days in Australia were drenched in the warmth of rekindled friendship and sun- and fun-filled summer days. Little did we know that the beauty of the relationships and the adventures would soon grow even more profound.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Seven Tips for Interacting with Special Needs Kids (and Their Families)


Being the parents of a child with special needs has been one of the greatest privileges of our lives. Our special needs girl (who has spina bifida) is full of spunk and joy. We know God has created her with a purpose and it's been fun to see her already being used to minister to the people she encounters.

It's also given us a lot of stories, mostly considered humorous by us, related to how people have responded to Butterfly who, unlike some special needs kids, can't often hide her disability, whether it's because she is using a walker, canes or a wheelchair, or crawling on all fours. In sharing some of these moments, I thought it might be fun to frame these stories as a guide for people who'd like some insight on how to interact with a person who is differently abled (or their parents).

If you are going to offer medical advice, do know what you are talking about or soften your "advice" by asking questions to see if you are on the right track.
I was once sent a long e-mail by a well-meaning friend who was eager to inform still-pregnant-with-Butterfly me that all that I needed to do to "fix" Butterfly was to take her to a good chiropractor after she was born. I don't think this person had any idea at all about what spina bifida is. Another acquaintance, also by e-mail, promised that Butterfly's life would be turned around, if I would only purchase the high-priced magic juice she was selling. Even better I could become a distributor under her. I probably don't need to explain how we felt about this.

Pray with understanding.
Prayer is always good and please pray for us, but please don't make our child feel like she is sick, because, praise God, she isn't. Once when Butterfly was a toddler, we were stopped in a McDonalds by a concerned family asking if they could pray for Butterfly. We agreed and they prayed sincerely that God would "heal her" and we were grateful, yet it felt odd because we know Butterfly isn't sick. Now that she is older, people have offered to pray for her healing or pray for her to "get better" and privately she says to us, mildly irritated, "What were they talking about? I'm not sick." I just want to be careful with my girl's heart and her trust in God. What if He chooses not to heal her in this life; chooses to be glorified in her life as she lives abundantly for him WITH spina bifida? Privately, I have prayed thousands of times for her to be restored, to be "healed." I know that hundreds of God's children have prayed the same. At the same time, our faith will not be shaken by God's answer. A good rule of thumb here is to just ask the person or parents, "Is there any way I can pray for you and your family?"

No pity needed or wanted.
We have been overwhelmed by the kindness of people: babysitting, hand-me-down clothes, meals after hospital stays and on and on. So many people have sensed our need or just wished to minister to us and we have been truly blessed. I've even had a few friends cry with me over our sorrows. All of that is compassion. But please don't pity us. Please don't look at my child with sad eyes, shake your head and say for all to hear, including her, "Poor baby." You must not know her. She loves life, makes friends wherever she goes and has even recently said "It's more fun not being able to walk." Perhaps she's right. How can we, who haven't lived her life, argue? Once a man stopped the kids and me in the library and regaled me with how sorry he was for Butterfly and insisted that I take $3 to buy my kids ice cream cones. He intentions were very sweet, but I was glad Butterfly was too young to realize that she'd just been given a hand-out, out of pity.

Don't limit them.
We love to hear about adults with spina bifida who have achieved great things. But please don't tell us stories about how you know someone with spina bifida who was able to live in a group home or get a job as a Walmart greeter, as if we are to take comfort in that. Granted, there is nothing wrong with living in a group home or working at Walmart in any capacity, but to suggest that our daughter doesn't have the full gamut of choices for where she lives and the kind of work she will do really does hurt.

Ask questions.
We love most questions. Questions like, "Do you mind my asking why you (your daughter) uses a wheelchair?" are awesome. However, "What's wrong with you (her)?" not so much. We get that one a lot. And for the record, nothing is wrong with her. She is the way God created her. We've heard of a few plucky kids with SB who have answered that one themselves with, "Nothing's wrong with me, what's wrong with you?" I kind of love that, but I'm still glad Butterfly hasn't responded to anyone that way... yet.

Speak, don't stare.
We love meeting new people, so if you or your kids have questions, just talk to us. Butterfly can't stand to be stared at, but lots of people, kids especially, stare at her... for a LONG time. We are encouraging Butterfly to flash big friendly smiles at kids who stare at her and, when it is appropriate, to go up to them and break the ice. She's had some awesome experiences doing just that; even so, sometimes she just wishes the staring would stop. If you notice your child staring, perhaps you could bring him or her over to meet Butterfly. We realize they're just curious and they'll probably really like Butterfly, and maybe us too. Most kids do.

After reflecting on this particular tip, I want to add that a far worse fate for Butterfly would be to have people vigorously working to AVOID looking at her. I think that sometimes happens as special needs kids become special needs adults. It is ALWAYS lovely to meet someone's eyes (any one's eyes, regardless of their abilities) and smile, perhaps say hello, even if they can't or won't respond in kind, and then go on about your business.

Don't sweat it.
Most importantly, just be yourselves. Few of the stories I've shared have caused us any more than a moment of discomfort.  Ultimately, if worrying about doing or saying the right (or wrong) thing will keep you from getting to know us and deprive us of getting to know you, don't sweat it. Just jump in there and say and do what comes naturally. We think we'll like you too! We usually do!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Creative Kid

Today, Lizard created this sculpture from some homemade peppermint-scented play-doh given to us by friends as a Christmas present. She seems to have the artistic gift I've always wished I had.